In which I ramble vaguely about stuff that happened recently, and everyone is relieved I didn't try to devote an entire post to any one of these things.
My work
Usually when I'm asked what I do for a living the conversation either jams up or takes an alternative route. There's something about the words 'web developer' that seems to stymie most people to the extent that they can't think of any followup questions.
Fortunately, someone from work has written a really good blog about something I helped with recently. It's a really clear explanation of the kind of thinking and effort that goes into making a page on GOV.UK, and explains a bit about what I do.
I think I'm going to get the URL printed on business cards so I can hand it to people after they've asked me what I do for a living.
Phone scammers
My phone number must have made it onto someone's spam list, because after years of not getting any I've had several bogus calls in the last few weeks.
The latest was from a wobbly autodialler. It said (in severe and undulating tones) that it was calling from HMRC and that something was wrong with my taxes, and [something something unintelligible] unless I pressed '1' on my phone a warrant would be issued for my arrest!
I can see how someone could be taken in by this, but I found it hilarious - the idea that pressing a button on my phone could delay this country's legal system. I was almost tempted to do it, but I knew that it would likely redirect me to a premium rate phone line and charge me a ridiculous fee, so I didn't.
However, I'm delighted to report that the caller didn't attempt to hide their number (although they may have faked it). So if you get a call from 020 7954 0972, I recommend you ignore it.
Gaps in our language
I've experienced a phenomenon recently and I've been struggling to phrase it adequately. It's when someone from outside your household very slightly moves something in your house for no clear reason.
An example might be that they use the kettle and in doing so move it an inch or two away from where it normally sits. Or they use the sink and move the soap from one side to the other. Yes, I know, it's not the end of the world, but after it happens a few times (particularly with the same person) it starts to baffle.
I think the phrase I'm looking for is 'fixture creep'. Or perhaps 'furnishing dislocation'. Suggestions on a postcard to the usual address please.
Writing dialogue
Writing is hard. I know, because I've just rewritten that first sentence six times. However, if you're paid to do it, you should be good at it.
One tiny example. I recently watched 'Ready Player One'. I can't decide if it's completely terrible or merely awful, but that's besides the point. After many oddly repetitive cultural references and much visual noise, the hero eventually confronts the villain and says: "You killed my Mum's sister!".
I'm sure a team of writers could have done better than that. How about "You killed the only family I had left!" or even "You murdered my aunt!". It sounds so matter-of-fact. The line might as well have been "I'm very upset about that thing you did".
Stress relief
If you've been a bit stressed out recently (understandable) I'd suggest passing the time by sorting a bucket of Lego. It's a very slow and soothing process, and requires little concentration, so you can even listen to something while you do it. I recommend The West Wing Weekly.