Showing all articles matching rants

An honest Valentine

My dearest Valentine,

Lacking enthusiasm in this period of forced romantic nonsense I nonetheless feel compelled by a cynical, overbearing greetings card industry to espouse some measure of my appreciation for you on this specific day and not rely in any way upon my general attitude towards you that I am confident conveys my feelings adequately. Heaven forbid that we allow our feelings for each other to direct our actions on any other day of the year. Let us instead concentrate all of our emotional overflow into this one day and express it through the medium of chocolate and overpriced bouquets of flowers.

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An open letter to all my utility companies

Dear utility company,

Because you're such a valued utility supplier, we your customers would like to make you a special, limited time offer. For only minus the cost of a letter and/or phone call to each of your customers up to several times a year, we can offer you a fully not-annoyed by unrequested interruptions customer base, representing a possible saving of hundreds of thousands of pounds per year, depending on how much junk mail you send out and how many unsolicited phone calls you make.

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An open letter to project managers and account managers

Often people are required to do things they're not experienced at doing or haven't been trained to do. One of those things is software testing, which requires no knowledge or experience to do, but requires plenty of knowledge and experience to do properly.

On behalf of all software developers everywhere, I would like to say the following.

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Seriously what's new in IE10?

I'm taking the plunge and upgrading to Internet Explorer 10 on my Windows 7 machine, after Microsoft succumbed to common sense and realised they should make it available for non-Windows 8 systems. Obviously I've not had a chance to look at it thoroughly, but let's have some first impressions.

Wait, hang on, it's still installing. Bear with me.

Okay, now... wait, what?

I have to restart my computer. I'll be back in a bit.

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Jet Lag

There's a line in Notting Hill where Hugh Grant is describing something to do with joy. He's talking about the arrivals gate at Heathrow, where an assortment of loved ones are reunited with an assortment of positive emotional responses. It's heady stuff.

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