Brexit: what happens next?

MPs in the House of Commons.

Following the defeat of the vote on Prime Minister Theresa May's Brexit deal on Tuesday and the vote tonight against a 'no deal' situation, the entire EU exit situation seems uncertain. Our political experts weigh in on this complex topic to answer the question: what happens next?

14th March

MPs vote on whether to delay Brexit by extending article 50.

15th March

MPs ask to repeat some of the votes from earlier this week, claiming that a "no no deal situation" was confusing terminology.

16th March

Theresa May puts the Brexit deal to the vote again, this time offering the reservation that the font be changed from Arial to Times New Roman. MPs unanimously shun the move as a purely cosmetic change, but the margin of defeat narrows slightly.

18th March

Jeremy Corbyn submits a vote of no confidence in the government and calls for a general election. The government responds by submitting a vote of no confidence in Jeremy Corbyn, who retreats with a hurt expression on his face.

20th March

A general election is called. Hospitals across the country are inundated with people suffering from muscle strain due to eye rolling.

21st March

A breakaway group of Labour MPs attempts to form a new party, but fails when they can't agree on a party colour.

23rd March

Fights break out in Parliament square amongst protesters united under the slogan 'just get on with it'. It later transpires that the group hadn't realised it contained both pro and anti Europe demonstrators.

24th March

MPs call for a referendum on whether a general election should happen or not.

25th March

An embattled Theresa May returns to Brussells to attempt to negotiate another deal. She manages to get agreement that Britain will stay in the EU as long as Brussells tells everyone they've left. The story is leaked to the Daily Mail and the deal collapses.

26th March

While the Prime Minister is out of the country, Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees Mogg attempt to seize power, but cannot agree who should be Prime Minister. The resulting squabble goes viral on YouTube with comedy sound effects added.

27th March

Kirsty and Phil from Channel 4's 'Location Location Location' attempt to form a new political party, and are successful in getting more members than the Liberal Democrats within 24 hours, but cannot decide whether 10 Downing Street is a suitable residence should they win the election. The Liberal Democrats go on TV to tell everyone how many members they have, but no one watches.

28th March

The Brexit backstop is rebranded as 'Kia Sorento presents: The Brexit backstop', but this does little to help.

1st April

News agencies across the country report that Brexit has been successfully negotiated and completed, but this is quickly revealed as an April Fool's joke. The offices of Sky News are stormed by angry protestors.

2nd April

Donald Trump weighs in on the growing political divide in an inflammatory and unwarranted tweet, but is largely ignored as everyone suddenly realises he's a bag of wind.

4th April

The general election happens. Theresa May manages to retain control, but is forced to form a coalition government with the DUP, the Green Party, Channel 4's Kirsty and Phil, and the Downing Street cat.

9th April

Unable to agree another deal, a second referendum is called, but it is ambiguously worded. TV news becomes wall to wall coverage of pundits frothing at each other arguing about the meaning of the outcome.

11th April

Enterprising citizens brick up the House of Commons with all MPs inside and return to their daily lives. Peace is achieved.

24th April

Europe invades.


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